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Psychiatrist to Internal Revenue agent on couch: "Nonsense! No way does everyone in the world hate you -- everyone in the US perhaps, but certainly not everyone in the world." Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist. "Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." "I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter." "For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward." Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychologist? If you say to a psychiatrist "I hate my mother," he will ask "Why do you say that?" while a psychologist will say "Thank you for sharing that with us." Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'" Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for a man then for a women? Because when it's time to go back to childhood, a man is already there. Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
Two psychologists meet at their twentieth college reunion. One of them looks like he just graduated, while the other psychologist looks old, worried and withered. The older looking one asks the other, "What's your secret? Listening to other people's problems every day, all day long, for years on end, has made an old man of me." The younger looking one replies, "Who listens?" Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the physiatrist began his therapy session, "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning." "Of course." replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth..." Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
A man who thinks he's George Washington has been seeing a psychiatrist. He finishes up one session by telling him, "Tomorrow, we'll cross the Delaware and surprise them when they least expect it." As soon as he's gone, the psychiatrist picks up the phone and says, "King George, this is Benedict Arnold. I have the plans." Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
One behaviorist to another after lovemaking: "Darling, that was wonderful for you. How was it for me?" Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
How do you tell the difference between the staff and the inmates at a psychiatric hospital? The patients get better and leave. Not everyone of the patients thinks he is God. The staff have the keys! Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
Doctor, doctor, nobody understands me. What do you mean by that? Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turned to the third mom. "Your obsession is alcohol and your child's name is Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on sweety, let's go home." Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
A psychologist is at a party talking with a small group of people, when a man comes up behind him and taps him on the shoulder. The psychologist turns around and the man hauls off and decks him. The psychologist gets up, brushes himself off, turns to the group and declares: "That's his problem." Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician? A psychologist pulls habits out of rats! Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
A guy goes in to see a psychologist. He says, "It seems I can't make any friends. Can you help me, you fat slob?" Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
A psychologist returned from a confrence in Aspen lodge, where all the psychologists were permited to ski for free. Her husband asked her, "How it went?". She replied, "Fine, but I've never seen so many Freudians slips." Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
Patient: Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages. Psychiatrist: Nonsense! I like sausages too. Patient: Good, you should come and see my collection. I've got hundreds of them. Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
In a psychiatrist's waiting room two patients are having a conversation. One says to the other, "Why are you here?" The second answers, "I'm Napoleon, so the doctor told me to come here." The first is curious and asks, "How do you know that you're Napoleon?" The second responds, "God told me I was." At this point, a patient on the other side of the room shouts, "NO I DIDN'T!" Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
Joe has been seeing a psychoanalyst for four years for treatment of the fear that he had monsters under his bed. It had been years since he had gotten a good night's sleep. Furthermore, his progress was very poor, and he knew it. So, one day he stops seeing the psychoanalyst and decides to try something different. A few weeks later, Joe's former psychoanalyst meets his old client in the supermarket, and is surprised to find him looking well-rested, energetic, and cheerful. "Doc!" Joe says, "It's amazing! I'm cured!" "That's great news!" the psychoanalyst says. "you seem to be doing much better. How?" "I went to see another doctor," Joe says enthusiastically, "and he cured me in just ONE session!" "One?!" the psychoanalyst asks incredulously. "Yeah," continues Joe, "my new doctor is a behaviorist." "A behaviorist?" the psychoanalyst asks. "How did he cure you in one session?" "Oh, easy," says Joe. "He told me to cut the legs off of my bed." Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
Doctor, doctor, people tell me I'm a wheelbarrow. Don't let people push you around. Ocena: 0 dodano: piÄ…tek 04 grudnia 2009r.
autor: Bonin
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